Grass Grenade
The nuclear option.
For when you absolutely, positively have to kill every mole in the yard, and the yard itself. Yank the pull-cord. Lob it onto the lawn. Walk away slowly while something orchestral plays. Mole problem: solved. Lawn problem: created. Scorched earth isn't a strategy. It's a lifestyle.
- Lawnmower-style pull-cord arming (three pulls, just like your mower)
- Blast radius: property line to property line
- Kills moles, grubs, sod, sprinklers, and the garden gnome
- Includes one (1) bag of grass seed. Good luck.
The Grass Grenade is not a real product, is not for sale, and will not be for sale. Do not detonate anything on your lawn. The Molehawk gets the moles and leaves the grass.
Results may vary.
They won't.
14 molehills
Lawn: 80% intact. Morale: low. The mole: thriving, smug, raising a family.
0 molehills
Lawn: 0% intact. Morale: complicated. The mole: gone. Also the lawn. Also the sprinkler line. Also the gnome.
Spec sheet
| Blast radius | Fence to fence |
|---|---|
| Moles eliminated | All of them |
| Lawn remaining | 0% |
| Arming | Pull-cord (choke not included) |
| Reseeding required | Extensively |
| HOA standing | Revoked |
FAQ
Does it kill grubs too?
It kills grubs, worms, moles, sod, sprinkler heads, and your property value. It is extremely thorough.
Why is it sold out?
The EPA, the ATF, your HOA, and both of our mothers all said no. Mostly our mothers.
Is this real?
No. This is the part of the website where we have fun so the rest of the website can kill moles with a straight face.
What actually works?
The Molehawk. Surgical. Your lawn survives. The mole does not.
