MOLE SLAYER

[ moleslayer.com // subterranean pest termination ]

Death:Made in America.

You tried castor oil. You tried the vibrating solar stake. You tried asking nicely. The mole does not negotiate. Neither do we. Precision-engineered extermination hardware for people who are done sharing their yard with a blind, velvet-coated squatter.

Arm Yourself Meet the Molehawk
Mole Slayer badge: an axe striking a dazed mole, with MOLESLAYER.COM
[ 01 // The Arsenal ]

Choose your
weapon

Four instruments of underground justice. Two of them are, legally speaking, a joke. The other two are very much not.

The Molehawk: red tomahawk head on a black spiked shaft
Nº 001

Molehawk

The complete trap system. Sound it. Set it. Stake it. Bag it.

$59.99In Stock
Mayhem Mole Shell poster: a matte black 12-gauge shell labeled Lawn Aerator, a knocked-out mole and gnome, and a red SOLD OUT stamp
Nº 002

Mayhem Mole Shell

12-gauge aeration with extreme prejudice.

$66.60Sold Out
Grass Grenade poster: a green grenade with a lawnmower pull-cord blowing up a lawn, a launched mole and gnome, and a red SOLD OUT stamp
Nº 003

Grass Grenade

The nuclear option. Kills every mole and the lawn they rode in on.

$99.99Sold Out
Dirt Nap Nuggets mole bait tub
Nº 004

Dirt Nap Nuggets

Their last meal. Served underground.

TBDComing Soon
The Molehawk with its steel lanyard running from the shaft hole to the spring-steel kill trap
[ 02 // Flagship kill system ] Molehawk: The Execution System. Not a trap. By Mole Slayer.

It isn't a trap. It's an execution system. Five revisions. A pile of broken prototypes. One purpose: find the bunker, end the occupant, keep the evidence.

  • 1
    The Death StickTomahawk-headed tunnel probe. Drive it in, feel for the drop, find his hallway.
  • 2
    The LeashSteel retention lanyard so the coward can't drag your trap, or the evidence, down to hell with him.
  • 3
    The JawsSpring-steel kill trap. Fast. Final. Re-armable.
[ 03 // The Creed ]

The Mole
Slayer Creed

Six laws. Non-negotiable. Laminate them. Nail them to the shed.

  1. The mole is not cute.It is a four-ounce tunnel-boring machine with a grudge against your lawn. The velvet is a disguise.
  2. Relocation is surrender.You don't relocate an invader. You just ship him to your neighbor and call it kindness.
  3. The yard is sovereign territory.Every molehill is a flag planted on your land. We take flags down.
  4. No stakes that hum. No castor oil. No prayers.The mole has heard them all. He is not impressed. He is, in fact, blind.
  5. Built here.Designed, prototyped, and field-tested in America by people who personally lost lawns to this.
  6. Stay on mission.We kill moles. Not songbirds, not the neighbor's cat, not your HOA president. Moles.
[ 04 // Confirmed kills ]
000,000
Moles sent below since launch

We haven't launched yet. Which means every last one of them is still down there right now, under your feet, tunneling. Waiting. Enlist below and we'll tell you the moment the killing starts.

[ 05 // Enlist ]

Join the
Death Squad

Launch alerts, restocks of things that will never restock, and field reports from the front. No spam. Spam is for the weak.

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